I just read the best blog post. Seriously, you need to read it. Kathleen talks about something that I very clearly hearing over and over in Kelly Q’s class–opening yourself up, being vulnerable and letting others in. This could not have come at a more important time, and I felt so inspired by her post that I wanted to write about it too.
In the past month or so I have noticed the way I react to kindness. Someone tells me “Good job!” or “Wow, you’re running a half marathon? That is so impressive.” and I immediately jump to “Oh thanks, if only _____ had been better…” or “Yes, but I’m really slow, so it’s not really that big of a deal.” What the F, self? What is that? What am I afraid of? I sit and reflect for hours on every piece of negative criticism I receive, but push away so many attempts at kindness. I get so uncomfortable when people compliment me. I feel like I don’t know what to say and like I owe them some kind of epic reaction to thank them for their kind words. Well, that’s stupid. I don’t expect anything when I compliment others. Is it so terrible to think that I might actually be kind of awesome and people have no motives for their compliments other than to be a part of my life?
There’s been some life challenges that have popped up recently that I don’t feel comfortable getting into detail about–really with anyone for that matter. But today instead of crying alone in my car on the way to my work meeting, I called my beautiful, amazing friend Lisa and told her that I needed to talk to her, but essentially couldn’t tell her anything. She just listened and made me feel important and like my feelings mattered and by the end of the conversation, I felt a million times better. If I hadn’t opened myself up and let her help, I’d probably still be feeling super crappy. It’s easy to forget how wonderful we all are and how many people in our lives would jump at the opportunity to be whatever we need them to be, if we could only be brave enough to ask, because we all know that actually telling someone what you need can be downright terrifying, but even more so rewarding.
This morning I felt totally blah. I was wide awake at 6:30 and had plenty of time to go for my scheduled run, but I layed in bed and tossed and turned and then was late to a meeting. Normally I have this complex where if I don’t get my workout–especially a run–done first thing, then I completely let go of the whole idea and move on with my day and it never happens, but today I came home and the weather was perfect and I didn’t have anything that I couldn’t put off for 30 minutes, so I laced up and went for a beautiful run around the lake at 11am. Let me tell you, this whole running at an easy pace for taper week is awesome! I felt great the entire time, and it just felt so relaxing–exactly what I needed! And actually–this is probably the only time in my life I will ever use this sentence—I meant to run slower. I thought an easy pace for me was like a 10:30-10:45 min/mi, but 10:00 felt easy! Yay!! Now to finish an other 10 at that speed… 😉
Now to get some choreography done and audition Bravo! kiddos tonight. Then I have a date with a super cute boy who is making me dinner 🙂
Food for thought: What makes opening up to others scary for you? What amazing payoffs have come from it when you did?