And 9 was hard.
Harder than any number that came before it. Usually around midway, I start to think about how much longer I have to go, get tired and wonder why I ever signed up for this to begin with. Then I can feel the end in sight and I get a second wind and am compelled to run faster and faster and reach my goal, reach this new distance.
Today, midway I started to think about how much longer I had to go, got tired and wondered why I ever signed up for this to begin with. Then the end was insight, and I got more tired and wondered if I would reach it. Every step I felt more out of breath, more exhausted. This was my first time running with a partner who is definitely faster than me, and pushed to be faster and to dig deeper. I kind of held it together….until the end when I begged to stop at every traffic light whether it said don’t walk or not. Yes, I paused my garmin, so no, my time is not as awesome as it looks, but that doesn’t change how proud I felt when we reached 9 miles. Tears welled up in my eyes when I realized that even though today was the hardest by far, I pushed through. I didn’t give up, and I ran my little heart out.
I have never been a big talk and runner, but actually the great conversation with Nicole made the first four miles fly by. I am so happy and grateful that I have wonderful people to do my training runs with! I don’t know how I’d manage otherwise!
So I’ve kind of disappeared for a while. The truth is that in being sick and not working out for almost a week straight, I didn’t feel like myself. Maybe taking it easy is what my body needed, but it is not what my brain needed and I’ve been kind of stuck in self doubt land. I didn’t feel like being Debby Downer, so I just kind of kept to myself.
After the run this morning, I felt ridiculously happy. Like puking rainbows and sunshine kind of happy. Teaching at job #1 went fantastic and I was on cloud 9. I felt like myself, I felt happy to be alive. Then I went to job #2 of the day where I was for the 100th time this school year berated by yet an other parent, and I feel as though I am almost back to square one. It has been a hard few months with work, and I know I need to develop a thicker skin and not let things get to me and have confidence in my abilities, but the truth is I am not a super confident person in any aspect of life. I am very easily swayed in my self views by the feedback I get from others. It’s something I’m working on, but it’s not easy and certainly doesn’t happen overnight.
I have a LOT of students, and a strong personality. Most of my students/parents are appreciative and love what I do, but of course they are less vocal. No one calls your boss to say “Ari is such a wonderful teacher! Thank you for hiring her to teach my kid!” Really parents, you should do that because the ones with the smallest problem have no problem calling and giving a piece of their minds. So mostly, we only hear the bad stuff. I wish it was different, and I wish I was less affected by it, but only one of those are in my control and hopefully I will be able to say that I let it roll off my back.
I had high hopes for this post being super upbeat and focused on how amazing I felt after my run and how I was 100% back to being happy cheery ole me. In the end, I’d rather it be 100% honest.
But I will leave you with this tid bit of happy exciting news. I skinnified a copy cat recipe of the Starbucks cranberry bliss bars yesterday and it turned out seriously delicious, so I will be posting this weekend! And I have a fun race tomorrow with fun friends, so all will be good.
Emily says
Remember Miss Ari, those parents have a skewed view of reality. They believe that their child is the most talented child in the world, and that they can do no wrong. The truth is that they SHOULD think that. That’s the job of a parent. However, you and I both know that what they see is not always what we see in the classroom. As your boss, I think you’re doing a great job, and I’m glad to have you on my team! Enjoy your weekend!
Ari @ Ari's Menu says
Thank you Emily. I am so incredibly grateful to have you in my life. More than words can say!